Partners, working in pairs

Basic structure for all partner variations (read first)

Find a quiet place to work together where you will not be interrupted, and feel safe to express yourself verbally and emotionally. Some prefer to have a set time period or to check in after an agreed period of time has elapsed to see if more time is required. A prearranged time period may be an important part of creating a safe structure.

To begin; Turn your attention inward and observe your present moment experience. As you notice what is arising in the moment, you have the option of describing verbally whatever your present moment experience happens to be, which we call reporting. You can report anything that arises in your awareness such as physical sensations like tingling or tension, what you hear or see, a thought you just had, emotions, whatever your experience is at the moment.

Report from a witnessing perspective, which means rather than going into the drama or story of your experience, simply describe it. Don't report everything you experience and keep your reports brief. Experiment to find out how much reporting works best for you. You may also choose to be silent instead of reporting. By witnessing we are not distancing ourselves from what is arising, but remaining present and connected to our experience by allowing it to be as it is.

Many people begin their report with the phrase "I notice..." which helps support the witnessing perspective. Staying relaxed and alert to your present moment experience is helpful. Being curious what will arise next into your awareness can be a useful perspective from which to view your inner experience.

Memories can take us into dream like states that last for a moment or long periods of time. If this happens you are not doing the practice incorrectly, simply keep noticing whatever is arising. We are not striving to be profound or deep. Your present moment experience is valid what ever it is.

Try eyes open and eyes closed, feel free to look around the room or at others while paying attention to whatever arises in you as you do so. There may be long periods of silence between reports, allow this to happen. Notice if you have an urge to fill the silence with words.

You may find yourself experiencing something uncomfortable, confusing or disturbing. Reporting that experience and knowing your partner/s are listening can be a great support. Relaxing is key, notice where your tension is and what is attracting your attention. Notice if there is an urge to get away from a sensation, feeling or a thought. If you are willing to simply be present with resistance or discomfort it can become a powerful portal into deeper presence and healing.

As a listener; you will not be responding to your partner in any way, simply listen.  Notice your own reactions as you listen. Simply listening may be difficult at times, you may want to respond, comfort, comment or touch. As a listener, your roll is to hold the structure for your partner. At times, being the listener will be the more powerful roll to practice.
(Read more about listening)

You may choose to share about your experiences conversationally after Shared Witnessing practice. We strongly recommend that you share about your experience only, and avoid analysis of your partners experience.

1) Working in designated roles; speaker/listener
2) Working simultaneously, both persons listen/speak
3) Working with distress or upset
4) Working on a particular issue
5) Working with close friends and intimate partners
6) Working on the phone

1) Working in designated rolls, speaker or listener

In this variation one person is designated as speaker and the other as listener for the time period agreed to, or as long as needed. We recommend starting with 15 minutes or more per person to give your process time to deepen. Usually the partners will then switch rolls.

2) Working simultaneously,  both persons report and listen
                                                                                                                                                         In this variation both persons can report at any time. We will not be responding to each other conversationally, but we may have reactions to what our partners share. You can report your reaction without engaging your partner conversationally. For example: Instead of saying "Would you say more about your feelings," you could report, "I notice feeling curiosity."  This report leaves the person who shared their feelings without any obligation to respond, and it leaves the one who reports curiosity not requiring an answer.

3) Working if you are in distress or upset

If you are in distress or upset, we recommend that you work in designated rolls one at a time rather than working simultaneously. This provides a stronger structure for most people, more focused support. The strength of the structure is even more important if both persons are upset with each other.

 4) Working with a particular issue

As you turn your focus inward, simply let the issue be present in your mind and body. Notice what arises as you sit with the particular issue. Avoid the story and drama, stay focused on your present moment experience.  If you notice you are getting stuck in the story, put more of your attention on your immediate body experience. Let go of understanding or resolution and be the witness of your present moment experience in regard to that issue. Notice if the particular form of the issue changes or dissolves, and allow deeper awareness to arise.

5) Working with close friends and intimate partners

Most of our personal pain and fear comes up with the persons we are closest to. Shared Witnessing can be an invaluable practice/structure to transform the most difficult pain that comes up in our relationships, to heal ourselves and open our hearts to the ones we love.
 
Caution; if you are upset at your partner, be clear before you start, that Shared Witnessing is not a means to hold your partner emotionally captive while you blame him/her for your feelings! This is an opportunity to take full responsibility for your feelings and express yourself from a  Witnessing Perspective, (Read more about) in a way that goes to the deeper truth of what you are feeling, which can require great courage and surrender.

6) Working on the phone

Working on the phone works well for most persons, but sometimes working in-person is more useful, even essential.  Skype with video can provide some of the in-person experience by having visual contact with one's partner.